Our mind works in strange ways….doesn’t it? One moment you think this is the woman for you….especially when you talk to her for 25 days….averaging nearly 3 hours talk every single day. I even crossed my previous record on the phone. My previous was 3 hours and 20 minutes, when I was talking on the phone for the first time to my ‘first love ‘, I was 16 then; now after 15 years I spoke to a girl for 5 hours, a girl whom I haven’t met; and this happened on the fourth day, well I wasn’t surprised since I spoke to her for 1 1/2 hours the first day we spoke.
We spoke about anything and everything. Sweet nothings…the day wasn’t complete if I didn’t speak to her…into the fifth day, we started emailing …from then on…..at work we both would be waiting to see each others mail…I was quite happy the way things were moving since we both knew why we were talking…
Finally we decided to meet each other…she flew 1hr and I drove 3hrs to meet and see if we can change you and me to us. We met…..suddenly I could feel the silence….we didn’t have anything to talk…..we just made topics….we went shopping, had lunch in a fancy restaurant, later enjoyed coffees in a Paul Rankin café…..we drove around the country side….but what did we miss….we were so comfortable talking to each other…we waited to see each others mail but on the day….no we were not staring at each other with awe…saying oh….this is the person whom I was talking to….we were just silent….making up conversations…..
Did I know what I wanted, did I not see it in her…..I knew what I wanted and yes, she ticked all the right boxes….but what was missing….the vibe, the chemistry…..something was lacking between us….yes I could take the chance and say yes….and it might work out….but if it doesn’t …..I will be ruining two lives…..and I don’t have the right to do so….it was extremely difficult saying no…especially after me saying ‘I am willing to take this to the next level’ ….but if I didn’t….I will be doing injustice to both of us…..
Well the last few days has been an emotionally draining one…..where I said good bye to a very special friend, welcomed a prospective companion for life , telling her that I am willing to take the plunge, then explaining why it is not possible…..all in 96 hours…..all I am looking forward to now is my visit home……in 144 hours…..I will be home….if I can leave behind the 96 hours….I am sure I will have a good time…..
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