Reflections of a Retrospection( 2001)

The Craving for company to me is the most desired, but a not attainable one. With every single minute passed, the intensity increases and I feel I am reaching the threshold of my augmented imagination, extravagant dreaming and eternal hoping. Whether the years reflect incompetence or it stamps the philosophy 'you have to wait for the best things in life' is the relevant question right now. This of course wouldn’t act as a catalyst and trigger the arrow from my cupid, but it surely adds, and most times increases your usual frustration and qualms.

My previous encounters as I may call it now would not substantiate the philosophy, so now the question is of incompetence. Another version to this enigma, see I like to make it sound complex, can be attributed to my fear. If so, fear of what; towards life as a whole, or to a particular hamlet, or above all, is it fear of ones own self. Realisation of ones own potential and calibre can eliminate the last option. In that case another question arises, are you not confident of your own self? If so the face you are having , is it masked? Another way of putting this is , are you fooling others; think again, you are fooling yourselves. The coward says bravely, I take things as it comes, this probably, no surely is because of his fear to take risks and chances, which brings us back to where we started, ineptitude.

Question, then how come I am successful in other facets of life; well maybe, you have met success partially. But what your fantasy filled mind is forgetting is that there isn't anything called partial success. So that brings you to the situation of being a failure.Okay, lets not make it that harsh, you are not a failure, but at the sametime you are not a success as well. So where does that leave you. I presume the major reason for being a failure is incompetence. You may ask at this point, what about values of life, morals, dignity,pride, sincerity, honesty, dedication, perseverance; if you want an honest answer, a retrospection might bring out the fact that you have twisted all the above virtues to your requirement. And this brings me to the juncture where I should call you an opportunist.

If taking decisions at a crucial stage which suits your needs without causing harm to others is what an opportunist does, in that case I could be an opportunist. This again is leading us to another truth, the way you and the receiver think is never indistinguishable. So you could have unknowingly hurt or harmed many. Does that mean I am a heartless, cruel, selfish mortal; no, that means you are impulsive and indecisive. You can account all the above happenings to your optimistic attitude, again the coward is the most optimistic person, reason being he doesn't have courage to think otherwise.

Its not the last straw but what about the romantic in me, the charming styles and the pleasing, caring nature of mine; sorry to say this but since you insist, you are chicken hearted as well and since you have many other qualities, these goodies might get unnoticed.. Certainly not, I often get appreciated for my attitude and nature. Think of the situation, suppose you didn't get even that ,you would have been in deeper trouble. Again these people would have learned a little bit of psychology and knows how to exploit a soft hearted, sentimental fool like you. So the good values and charm I pass on to others ,you mean to say, has no value; maybe those are the factors which still gives you the fuel for your thoughts.

To Conclude, you are a very simple person made up of many complex components which again is made up of many ultra complex molecules and atoms. A retrospection can do you more harm than good. Live the way you are living right now and that doesn't mean you should lead the life of a chicken hearted coward, who is incompetent, and an opportunist who often fails than succeed!!!